7 Ways to Control Kids on the Bus
HUMOR
Sex, Drugs & Alcohol!
After observing several news stories across the nation, I’d like to offer the following list of “7 WAYS TO CONTROL KIDS ON THE BUS”:
1 - Engage in shouting matches with the students. If they won’t listen, hit them. It’s especially important to punch them in the face to maintain control, because students are very concerned with their appearance.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: Make certain the camera on the bus is turned-off or you could get in trouble. With the camera off, it’s the word of an adult against a bunch of kids.
2 - Everytime students get rowdy, pull the bus to the side of the road to a complete stop until everyone is quiet. This is effective in the morning because you can make students late to class so they get in trouble. Fortunately, this is also effective in the afternoons, because you delay student’s getting home and away from school. They don’t like that.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: Try not to get fired for making students late every morning.
3 - Take a large dose of your “nerve medicine” before getting behind the wheel. It’s much easier to tolerate all the noise and pushing and shoving if you have a gentle buzz.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: Don’t weave back and forth across the road while driving. This could indicate that you are driving while impaired.
4 - If you are a mellow drunk, have a drink or two before getting behind the wheel in the morning. You can just stay mellow all the way to school and back. It may be hard to drink booze before 7 AM, but if you need the job, you’ll do it. Of course, you need to repeat for the afternoon run. Or, you can confiscate the booze that the little darlings took to school for their field trip.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: See Tip #3
5 - If you are a combative drunk, it’s best not to drink in the morning. Kids may report you once they get to school. Use ear plugs instead. It’s better to drink only before the afternoon drive. Kid’s don’t talk to their parents, so they won’t tell on you.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: See Tip #1 and Tip #3
6 - If the students are really rowdy, you can always flip the bus over. This is pretty scary so it’s better if you implement steps #3, 4, or 5 first.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: Always blame the students for distracting you and causing you to lose control of the bus.
7 - If you’re a female driver, have sex with one of the boys, only on the condition that they behave while on the bus. Eventually they’ll tell the other boys and everyone will behave hoping they can have sex with you too.
TIP TO BUS DRIVERS: This is an extreme measure and should only be used if a) you have psychological problems or b) the boy is really cute and you have psychological problems.
There are additional ways to control kids on the bus, even if they are not as much fun. You can always have a state trooper ride on the bus. It helps if they think they are on the lookout for drivers who don’t stop while you are unloading students. This definitely gives you well-behaved students, but remember that it makes it difficult for you to implement any of the first seven suggestions presented here.
BONUS IDEA: An excellent way to keep students quiet and in their seats is to place a piece of duct tape across their mouths and duct tape them into their seats. Be certain to tape their hands to the seat so they can’t remove the duct tape from their mouths. So far, this has worked for only three months before the driver got fired. Use at your own risk.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: I didn’t make these suggestions up. They have all been tried at one time or another by school bus drivers across the country. There are numerous news stories to prove it. But I guess until we can teach SELF-DISCIPLINE to students of all ages, bus drivers will continue to find their own solutions for the mayhem and mishaps that occur on school busses daily. At least until they get caught.
Brennan
Filed under: Education News
LOL - love it
You couldn’t pay me enough to drive a school bus! Even with all your cool suggestions, I would probably last about 90 seconds! A lot of kids are out of control, and too many parents just don’t care.
Hilarious indeed…LOL!